Dear lost love,

The tension between the two of us is so unbarring. It really makes me wonder if we were just a mistake in the first place. Maybe we should have never happened. Maybe we should have never fallen in love, but could we really help that? Honestly. I mean I never intended to fall in love you. We were just friends, but not really that close, but I felt closer to you than anyone besides Katie. It all happened like a rain shower that just appeared out of no where. But there wasn’t really a forecast to tell me that you and I would have been.

The thing is I still remember every little thing that we did or said. After two years, I can’t believe that I’m still the way I am. The only difference is you changed me. You really made me a better person in life. Now that we not even friends I it’s hard for me. I know that it was for you and that’s why things are the way they are. We can’t ever really be friends because every time we try, other things start to happen. I have told you how I felt a thousand times over and over again. Yet, the thing is now it won’t ever really matter. Yes, I still may love you to an extent, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t change that. I don’t want to but it is the best thing for the both of us, I know, but I just don’t want to admit it. I don’t like to admit when I’m wrong most of the time, but who does; no one likes to be wrong. When I lied to you I never intended for it to stay or go far. I wish that I had never lied to you. I sit and wonder a lot of times that if I had never lied, would I have made you happier and not have driven you to David? Maybe this is my whole fault. The thing that you said you were missing something and I think that it was trust and I wasn’t giving it to you. I regret that most in my life, so far. That’s my biggest regret ever. Yes, I may have not stopped lying after that, but now I know better. I was still young and stupid. Plus, I didn’t know that I could love someone as much as I did you. I was afraid. I’m not just making up excuses either, this is true.

I think there will always be something there between us that can’t really go any. I know that you can’t feel that way for me anymore because of him, but o never really told you to. And I don’t want to because you’re happy. That’s all that I’ve ever wanted for you from the very moment that I started liking you. Yet, I hoped it would have been with me, I guess I lucked out here, huh? I know how happy you are with him and I love to see you happy. I don’t want to mess that up. Otherwise that will be another regret of mine as number two.

A lot of times I sit up late at night and think about you. I always wind up crying and making myself sick from crying so much. I’m not sure why I’m really crying anymore. I don’t know if it’s because I miss you or if it’s because you have what I want, love and happiness. I thought about that last night after I got home from the store where you were at work. Yes, I saw you, but I tried to ignore you and not look over there. It’s hard not to notice you. I wish that all this could be over and I can really move on. It really is pathetic that I’m still this way after more than a year. I know in my heart that we won’t happen again, but in my head it’s telling me to keep you. But I don’t want to anymore. (I do, but I don’t). The whole sitting boundaries thing didn’t help the last time. So hopefully this will. I’m kind of glad you made this decision not to talk to me anymore. Cause then maybe I can really be moving on. Which is your whole point behind this and well for you too I guess.

I am really hoping that I can find what you have in someone. It’s going to be very hard and difficult I know this, but I am starting to actually believe in myself enough that I can do this. There’s really so much more I want to say to you, but I don’t really have the time to or anything, plus who knows you may not ever see this I don’t know. Also, just know that even though were not friends or anything, you can always call on me in the far off future if you really need anything, ok. I can be here for you with something, friends or not.

Your's Truly,

Melissa