I'm still so in love with her. Every little thing that she does drives me crazy and I dont really know why. It's hard for me to look at her. It's sad because of how long it's been, but I can't help, but feel this way. She really means the world to me, but she doesnt even know it. I wish that she did. I wish that she'd know that I would treat her so much better than everyone else has. You'd think that she'd understand that by now, but I guess not. I can say that she has to, obviously, but I wish that she would. Everyone always leads her on, but I dont believe I ever have. I've always been here for her. Always, but I sometimes seem to always be the last person that she comes too and I dont know why. Me and her had a converstaion last night over some things and I'm so confused. I wrote her a rally long note today. Corey thought it was funny and she said that I didnt have that much to say to her, but I did. I didnt know what to say to her last night and I still dont, but I at least tried. It's all hard to take in and explain. I do love her. Sometimes I wish that I didnt though. I hate getting hurt all the time, but I know I always will, until I get over her. [who knows when that'll be]. It's crazy. She wasn't even at school today and i wanted to talk to her about it, so instead I wrote her that note, but idk when I'll be able to give it to her. Oh well... ... ... I dont really want to get too much into it. I'm kinda scared to in a way. I guess I'll just let things take a course of some sort. If they even do, which is very doubtful... ... ...

**Lis**