I thought that I had the world wrapped in my tiny little hands until... she disappeared ♥

well i wrote this note to my friend, also she is my ex, but anyways i told her how i felt and i'm starting to think that it was a bad idea. I was standing there with her when she read it this morning and the look on her face wasnt so comforting, for me. I mean i always told people that i dodnt like her, but really i do. I mean she wants people to believe shes straight, but then she wants to date girls, somewhat. The last time me and her went out, it was only a week and well she told me that, this guy she works with asked her out and turns out she said yes, but i just found out a couple of weeks ago, he has a girlfriend  and its not her. Then, she gets with this other girl who i did ahve a crush on and well i was so raging mad. But now, i'm waitting to here her response to that note from this morning. I'm nervous. I really like her, or maybe i love her, idk, but i mean, my life's screwed up enough that i dont need a relationship right now. Sometimes i wish that my life wouldnt exist. I'm getting very irritated at myself...